Have you ever looked into a terrible mistake, and actually felt (not only saw) the light in the end of the tunnel? Well, stuff like that doesn't happen in the reality. Or so I knew until yesterday.
I had another blog in a different language which mainly was for nothing good enough. I had fired all my political speeches and tired-of stuff there, and it really seemed as a blog made for one thing only. To prove myself.

I was well aware of what people thought, and still think of me, that I am sometimes a dumbass looking for an identity. People were annoyed by how my political expressions seemed to contradict eachother. They actually found it hard to see a true way of putting my opinions in order and each time I wanted to explain they just added: "You don't know what you think or believe in".
As for my varied and extended politic's opinions, I had sometimes to spit it on my poor blog.
That is what his life was made of, basically.

So, how this whole bunch of bullshit is connected to the statement of that tunnel?
I decided I would kill that blog, for the simple reason of having this one as the main. I didn't have the guts to kill a year and a half of semi-posting and frustration. I didn't do it, and I didn't care.

I just left it with the last post it had from that last time when desperation almost killed my optimism. I didn't care much about it being there, showing so much of myself to the uncaring audience.

I sat yesterday on messenger, telepathy as always made its way to show us both the exact moment in which to connect. I say as always because it happened many times.
We spoke as always, and then we somehow got into the topic of blogs and all that is between that. So I sent a link of my other blog, which is in a different language, and she sank into it.
I noticed she didn't write for some minutes, and when she was on again she told me she almost wept because of the post in there. Which is there, to remind you, since July.
I was stunned, and asked myself what the hell was that made her want to cry.
I moved to the site and I felt as if all my blood had been drained from me. There stood the old post, exposing all my feelings for her and what I felt when she left. I explained I was apparently deeply in love with her and how it killed me that she had left without leaving me a chance to tell her how much I love her. I was in big trouble.

If ever there was a person who wouldn't have to see this it would have been her. And she saw it.
I didn't say names, but the clues were clear to her. And then struck the first question, "Is this really what you felt... when I left?".

I mean, I really felt dead. For some reason, I was willing not to tell her about my feelings. And the damage had already been done. I felt stupid, 'cause I didn't check the posts first. I really was pissed off by this. And that is when I told myself: "Nice way of finishing the day, dumb!".
Stuff like this never happens to me, but this time I just made the terrible mistake.

To conclude this story and short as possible: We love eachother. We both feel better. And for some reason, I don't think the distance could be a problem. And I feel calm, really calm. For the first time in ages. I just feel like writing something.

P.S. If that wasn't enough for this whole week, I got an invitation for Inteligence Force's Exams. Woohoo, Army!

Let's start with a clear statement: I was fired from MDA. It happened when I called for the I-dunno-the-number time. It was all clear, I had failed the third test and what happens eventually is that there is no fourth chance. Bah, I was told to try to enter this coming year as a new volunteer. Now think, what will I say if someone asks me: "Are you new or veteran?", I will have to answer "A little bit of both...". I dunno, it really pisses me off for some reason. I was ok after all, all the theory is what caused such a mess in the last exam. Well. I won't give up.

I got though a date for my recruiting. 22 July, 2007. Such a wonderful time to be recruited. I still don't know if that truly means I will not be sent to a combat unit (which I would prefer), that's what I was told by somebody. If that's so, I will be very disapointed. I did the psychometric exam a week ago. It was somewhat easy, but I was too nervous to think at that moment. Hope for the best.

What else. Yes, the group's leader again (yes, for the third time) cancelled the BIG meeting we were supposed to have. Such a shame. Hopefully, we will be having it tomorrow at 6. I am too angry to talk quietly, this will turn out to be a rage meeting. Too much stuff I was keeping will have to burst out.

Me and Eli are improving in some way our stuff. We've been pushing it this last days, and hopefuly by tomorrow we'll have something like 5 songs all ready to shoot in the meeting. We must show that we are working, as it is the half-truth.
My skills in guitar are improving amazingly this days. I just need to find the strength to take it further. And yes, I need also the material to do so. I am also thinking all the time about all the things we are going to do in the future with Eli. She really wants us to make a demo together, but for that I will need some other machines and stuff I don't have. Our budget is tight, after the trip to England, and in order to buy everything we will need a thousand dollars or so. Bah. We'll see.

For the future. Well, I got to start a true diet to kill all this remainig kilos from England. I gotta be in shape for the next year as it is my last one and sport seems to be my failing circuit in school. Also, the army is waiting and I got to prove my best in order to get to 669, or even the Air Force. Life is hard, who ever told you it's so easy.
Besides, I got to find a job. This big investments keep killing me.

See ya later mate.

Well, if I start by telling this is so far my fourth attempt to mantain an English blog it will sound stupid. Well I did.
I was chatting by MSN with my dear Prinssi Lehma. She seemed so sad, so I helped her out of that state of defeat she was facing. Like many others, I mean girls, she was pointing out how ugly she is. I really don't get it. It just bothers me to think how this trend of girls thinking they are ugly (when they really aren't) is spreading like Katiyushas over the north of Israel. Bah.
So if you hear me Prinssi Lehma: You are one of the most beautiful gingers I've seen. And the hottest indeed.

So I went today to exchange a few (teeth) words with the leader of the group. She didn't like what I had to tell her. She didn't like my ideas. In fact, it looks like a classic war between Israel and some other arab country. But I guess I'll not shut up.

So that killed most of my day. Frankly, I almost killed myself. It was a rage I cannot express. God hold me, 'cause really, I could have killed her. I hope everything will set up fine.
I plan to add some song to the album we are supposed to do. I started today looking for info on the guy we are doing it with: Man Alive's frontman. I guessed he earned another fan today with the song Rewind. After all, they are not that bad. Comparing them to Fortisacharof and all the Israeli bullshit there is.

So, I came home with such an anger. Adding it the fact I didn't find out much about my exam status in MDA I guess that made my day hard enough. Eli was too soft on the phone and it really made me mad. But tell me, how could I ever be mad at her? Sorry Eli. But now, after a good ice cream, I guess life seems a lot better.

And I opened this mainly because I would like people around the world to be able to read what I write. But still I got to arrange everything here. Some pics, some other stuff. I hope I would be able to leave the other blog. It became too stupid, too public. Bah.

So, I leave now. Got to speak to Shirya.
Buenas Noches.