As time goes I feel more and more comfortable with myself. It may not be the right time to say it, but the feeling is there. I was pissed of, I was so dissapointed of myself, I nearly hated myself. But I'm no EMO boy, so why show it?
It was the right moment for Hannukka, I had the time I wanted to think. Here and there a little homework, but time was the thing I needed.
Laura may say that I'm right. I really see it as right too, and the fact is there is nothing time can't break. Time can make the biggest things happen.

This week my I was left alone one day to concentrate on homework. Everyone left to Rosh Hanikra a very nice coast, 50 meters from the border with Lebanon. I knew the place, therefore it didn't hurt to not be able to come.
There you could see how time works. There are caves, huge caves all made of time. Drops of water carved the stone for millions (scientifics say, go figure if they're right) of years untill all the big halls and caves where formed. Time also made those stones stronger and today for just a few cents (well, I guess the cents are some bucks) you can see the powers of nature.
So time, again showing it's strength.

This last weeks where a struggle. Really, I felt I couldn't take it further and I decided the best thing to do was to tell her about it. I told her everything, what happened what I felt and my thoughts on our relationship. She understood it, I felt so weird 'cuz I expected something else to happen. I expected tears and all that, but she understood it. Everything seemed to be fine. Then, at the farewells moment I realized that everything I told her was in vain. She did not have a clue what I meant. Well she had, but she apparently understood a "break-time" was just untill I could focus on her back, after all the exams.

The next few days I was being eaten from inside, I knew she got it wrong and I needed to replace the theory on her mind in a way she could get easily, though softly enough not to kill her. Being direct many times is the good way to go. So I understood from the first chat. I just tried to not hurt her and so I used words such as "break-time" and "pause".
I came to realize the damage I did as I made her think this was momentaneous and would have and end. Then everything will come back.

Next time I was more concentrated on the task, and not in the way I said it. I don't remember how many talks we had on the subject before she actually understood that I just couldn't say I love her, feeling 100% well with it.
It was hard, I felt bad about it and she wanted to die. She wasn't prepared to understand her fear was now a reality.

As days passed by I noticed she couldn't let go. She all the time kept remembering me "that maybe one day..." or "God may decide it's the right thing one day...". By the way, all these thoughts were created by me mainly. I didn't want to hurt her and I used soft terms and vain promises.
Finally, I can say today it just came to an end. Though I feel she is not over with it yet, but time. Oh yes, time will do its work.

I feel better and I really see all this as over. I feel so dumb for the way I said all this to her, but I guess it was for good. We are still very good friends, it won't be the same as before but what about another Finn good friend? Nothing bad with it. Not really.
So here's the end of my story. I will post some short story I wrote for English last year. It has something to do with all this, a bit frightening but that is what I had in mind. The story had to be connected to a book I read about an execution, so be prepared. Next post.