This is not a very nice week after all.

Not so different from my last post, I came to face another demanding, exhausting, anihilating, cracking, killing week. No, I am not happy after all. And yes, I need His guidance right now.
Things changed a lot in this week, things became a threat on my psychological and mind health. Yes, its just like ALS. Killing me from the inside. And why Lord, Why? I just got a few answers.
I am not saying He just forgot, I'm sure His answer will come at the right moment, preciselly when I will be facing the hard turn. But, it's just the I am not ready to have a 90th minute answer.
I always plan things, if I was to be in God's commitee He surelly would be very molested by my lack of faith, or may you call it just an obsession with order.

I am not that kind of person you usually find with everything in order or with his own place tidy and clean. I'm not. I hate to be like that, I can't stand the thought of being like the Finn School new boss. He's just, too clean, too tidy, too pilot. He even rejected a dog because "it is a very unclean animal, and will ruin the higiene of the Finn School".
Dude! You lived in Africa, how could you talk about higiene? Bah, who am I to judge this tidy man? He looks cool anyways, kinda cool in a bad way too which takes me to think of him as freezy. Sometimes.
But this post is just too different to start speaking about him.

Where were I?
So this week was sad too. We had the camp last saturday. Tytti and Laura where just overblessing us in every way, it weren't the people in the camp the ones who made me happy. I must admit it was them.
I got my own reasons for not accepting "spiritually grown-up" as a cumpliment from the Shfa-Amer KK group leaders. But this too is something unconnected to the very big topic.

So I went to my congregation as I was the Soundman this time. Everything went fine, no feedbacks, no major problems and just the volume everyone needed. I was proud of myself.
I came back to the Finn school just to see the KK group going, I wished them a nice journey back to Shfa-Amer and went in to say goodbye to Laura and Tytti.
Everyone went and so I was left there to talk with them for a while. Bah, such a shame they had to leave.
Once again said my farewells to both of them knowing this was the last time.

12pm: Got the permition to go with them to the airport!
Wow, thanks God!
So I went with them, this time to say my final and third farewell.

It was brief, just the classic bureaucracy of Israel's airport and some checkings from a not very nice attendant. I had my ID with me so I was given the pleasure to lead the ladies through the process of check-in in this very exhausting place.
Achtung! Boom. Met the wall.
Some attendant, not nicer than the last one just checked my ID and waved me off, telling me to go back and wait.
I went back, humiliated by my co-citizens taking with me Laura's coat as a hostage so she would come after the check-in to say goodbye.

Time passed bye and nothing was moving. I just hate airports.
We decided we had to go, and the-right-time-for-tears came in to visit. First Tytti said bye, then Laura and all was just tears and tears. I felt nothing, just a bit sad. But I knew that it will come to me in some hours.
I was right.

We went back, everyone laughing and telling how he enjoyed this two enourmous (in a big way, if you are reading it) girls, sharing the anecdotes everyone had with them.
I was late for school, I went home and on the way back I just realized. "They went..."
I started counting minutes until the take-off time scheduled for 16:05 and when it was that time I started counting the minutes they were on the air.
I was pissed off really, felt so bad and weird and sad. I couldn't concentrate on my homework and realized I was depressed as never before.

I went to sleep with that feeling of depression. I asked God to intervein and help me 'cause I really didn't like that at all.
So this is the story of how this two Finns dissapeared, this last sunday. So sad.

Besides that, I am really pissed of by school. I have some exams coming on. I got my psychometric studies in order to enter the University if I don't go to the army first, also coming on.
Not only that, I just received another invitation for some exams to the Commando Units in the IDF (Israel Defence Forces), I may receive also an invitation to the Air Force soon. And I really don't see where God wants me to be. So also, praying for that.

There has been a lot cooking on this last days. I just keep betraying myself. I don't want to talk about it now. It's too complicated and long and sad and everything with it. It must be done gradually and with the mind. May God help me with that too. I just feel so lost, so undecided of what I want. I talked to Ruha about it and she just adviced me to take a break and think, she thinks there are a few thinks that aren't in God's schedule right now. I really need time to think, but fast.

So here goes my two ton post, full of all this confused feeling right now. My future, my now and what goes with it technically and emotionally.